In honor of my partner in ain’t shit crime, the lovely (and tall) @steenfox, I am #FAKEFED up with some you hussies on twitter b.
Not all of you. I’m calling you hussies because I don’t know your real names.
Here’s my thing.
You can do whatever the hell you want on twitter. Really its OK. My twitter experience is unique to my life experiences and what I choose to share. So do you. I’m a nobody (for now)
(buy your #FakeFamous t-shirt today)
I enjoy my twitter experience. I really do. I have access to almost anything on the planet at the click of a mouse. I follow great people. I get envious compliments in real life about all the hot wimmin ladies with boobs follow me. And I must say, that my friend, is a gift and a curse. (not the boobs part)
So rather than blah blah blah’ing about the good part
I’m going to curse you niggers out
5 Things I’m not here for, but don’t tell me you disagree because I don’t care what you think
1.Vanity- Disclaimer. I’m a vain person by nature. I’m an Aries, or whatever you call it, so its built into my DANA. Regardless, I will always be the first person to tell you if you look pretty. I am an encouraging muthafucker. Once thing I’m not here for is extreme vanity.
Some of you could be paparazzi the way you constantly take pictures of yourself. Its one thing to be tasteful about taking pics (i.e. new hairstyle, makeup, or Cedes’s lesbian creme) but its another got damn thing to be taking pictures of yourself cleaning the bathroom, drinking water, or some oddly shit like that.
If the camera phone shows in the pics that you take, you are vain. I am too. I own it. I also control it. Put the damn camera phone down, and get a real hobby. Like knitting or dying (Shoutout to Maui)
2. Kim Kardashian slander - ahhhh, the Lebron James of socialites. No celebrity on twitter is more polarizing than her. Whether it would be pumping her gas for her man, or simply attending an award show, she is constantly in your mouth. I log off when I see slander of her. Not that I’m a stan for her or anything, but its sickening on how someone can consume your life so much you missed your job interview for Wendy’s 3rd shift because you wanted to make a point about Kim Kardashian “shortcomings” or whatever. I seriously saw people having full-blown debates about if a man should pump gas for women. Niggers. This is why she (The Kardashian pimp agency) made 83 million dollars last year. Its because she’s constantly in your mouth.
3.Ess Aeting- I’m not even going to divulge about this subject. Two things: sexual discretion is awesome in this case. And two, command some got damn respect for yourself. Have some class and dignity about what goes on in your private life sexually.
Unless your @poeticheroin….which in all cases….. #Poeticine on.
4. Death- The only time I tend to log off on twitter for an extended period of time is for 4 things: after work, church, studio, and celebrity death. If a celebrity dies, you have to check additional sources just to confirm, then the twitter comedians come out to crack jokes about a time where we should be remembering people for their contributions to society. Twitter shows very little discretion during these times, and the ppl who RT these “comedians” are just as guilty. Show some respect. If you can’t do that, or stand to see these people mock death, log off. Nobody is awaiting your arrival either. Hoe
5. Twitter Honey/Niggers- I admit, this one is actually entertaining, but I figured out what this implies: its simply caricatures of the people I follow. And that’s what I’m not here for: impressionable ass grown-ups. I’m a satirist by nature, so I totally get the humor in the notion of a Twitter Honey, but let’s be honest: that’s nothing but a gigantic clusterfuck of shade and subtweeting about women YOU choose to follow. And Twitter Niggas is a term I came up with. So, since I came up with it, I can also leave it.
Regardless, these are 5 things EYE am not here for. Thank you @steenfox for the opportunity, and I hope this up like the Negro Twitter blog. I really do. heh….
Dictated not read