A while back, I wrote a blog about Alicia Keys making sidechick music (if you google Alicia Keys Sidechick, my blog comes up first lol) to overwhelming positive reviews. This blog is a continuation of that premise.
Let me be somewhat clear. I have nothing against sidechicks at all. Sidechicks are built into the mainframe of society. Sidechicks are Satan’s waffles.
So I complied a list of the most noteworthy and successful side-chicks of the last 20 years. I’m only 27, so I can’t comment on Marilyn Monroe or whoever the fuck was trickin when they had it in the 60s. The women on this list are massively successful on many levels, so their tricking must of been top notch.
So here it is (in no order) the top 5 Sidechicks of the last 20 years.
Jada Pinkett Smith
Ive always said if Jada gained 20 lbs, she would be the baddest chick ever. But we forget that she starting dating Will Smith while he was married (and his ex-wife is baaaad). Two years later, Jada married the biggest movie star of the 90s. And had two android looking kids killing shit now. And she is still friends with Will Smith’s ex. They were neighbors for a long time afterwards. Success.
“You Don’t Know My Name” “Teenage Love Affair” “No One”. Pick a song from Alicia Keys’ catalog and you know she was primed for sidechick stardom. After a two year affair with Swizz Beatz while he was married to Mashonda, Her and Beaks got married within 4 months of the divorce. And named their kid Egypt. The Nile is much more than just a river. (see what I did there?)
Probably the most successful (and attractive) side-chick of all-time. Angelina used her X-men powers to get Brad Pitt away from Jennifer “most average looking attractive chick of all time” Aniston. Six adopted kids, humanitarian efforts, Oscar nominations, and blockbuster movies later, they are FINALLY looking to tie the knot.
Why is she on this list? Because she’s Morgan “Poppy seed face” Freeman’s grand-step daughter. Say that 5 times. Anybody than can get God to leave his marriage deserves to be on this list b.
Back in the 90s when J. Lo was Puerto Rican, she honed her sidechick skills with Puff Daddy. After honing her craft, she set out to marry….Chris Judd….while he was married…welp. So while she was married to Chris Judd, she went after Ben Affleck (while he was in a relationship) and made Gigli. After Bennifer didn’t work out, she went after married man Mark Anthony. In the midst of all this, she is the most successful Latina American actress in the US. Jenny from The Block could make me drive a Fiat if she showed me what dat mouf do.
Honorable Mention: Cassie, Julia Roberts, Fantasia, Kim Zolciak
Read it as satire. And real life