Lee Treble
Follow me on twitter @LeeBLVD
Music inquires: glorifiedmusic@gmail.com
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SIDECHICK MUSIC!!! Top 5 Sidechicks
So
A while back, I wrote a blog about Alicia Keys making sidechick music (if you google Alicia Keys Sidechick, my blog comes up first lol) to overwhelming positive reviews. This blog is a continuation of that premise.
Let me be somewhat clear. I have nothing against sidechicks at all. Sidechicks are built into the mainframe of society. Sidechicks are Satan’s waffles.
So I complied a list of the most noteworthy and successful side-chicks of the last 20 years. I’m only 27, so I can’t comment on Marilyn Monroe or whoever the fuck was trickin when they had it in the 60s. The women on this list are massively successful on many levels, so their tricking must of been top notch.
So here it is (in no order) the top 5 Sidechicks of the last 20 years.
Jada Pinkett Smith
Ive always said if Jada gained 20 lbs, she would be the baddest chick ever. But we forget that she starting dating Will Smith while he was married (and his ex-wife is baaaad). Two years later, Jada married the biggest movie star of the 90s. And had two android looking kids killing shit now. And she is still friends with Will Smith’s ex. They were neighbors for a long time afterwards. Success.
Alicia Keys
“You Don’t Know My Name” “Teenage Love Affair” “No One”. Pick a song from Alicia Keys’ catalog and you know she was primed for sidechick stardom. After a two year affair with Swizz Beatz while he was married to Mashonda, Her and Beaks got married within 4 months of the divorce. And named their kid Egypt. The Nile is much more than just a river. (see what I did there?)
Angelina Jolie
Probably the most successful (and attractive) side-chick of all-time. Angelina used her X-men powers to get Brad Pitt away from Jennifer “most average looking attractive chick of all time” Aniston. Six adopted kids, humanitarian efforts, Oscar nominations, and blockbuster movies later, they are FINALLY looking to tie the knot.
E’Dena Hines
Why is she on this list? Because she’s Morgan “Poppy seed face” Freeman’s grand-step daughter. Say that 5 times. Anybody than can get God to leave his marriage deserves to be on this list b.
Jennifer Lopez
Back in the 90s when J. Lo was Puerto Rican, she honed her sidechick skills with Puff Daddy. After honing her craft, she set out to marry….Chris Judd….while he was married…welp. So while she was married to Chris Judd, she went after Ben Affleck (while he was in a relationship) and made Gigli. After Bennifer didn’t work out, she went after married man Mark Anthony. In the midst of all this, she is the most successful Latina American actress in the US. Jenny from The Block could make me drive a Fiat if she showed me what dat mouf do.
Honorable Mention: Cassie, Julia Roberts, Fantasia, Kim Zolciak
Read it as satire. And real life
Lee
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TOP 10 OLD DUDES YOU DON’T WANNA SEE IN A FIGHT!!!
In light of Paul Silas probably slapping Tyrus Thomas in front of his girl this past week, I decided to make a list of the Top old dudes I don’t ever exchange hands with.
Here’s the thing: Old Man strength is undefeated. Years of oppression, bills, and experience just makes a dude that much tougher. I know even tho I may be physically bigger than my Pops, I don’t want to see hands with him. EVER.
Call it Respect. Call it reverence. But yo, I’m not fighting a dude who had to deal with racism and oppression in the 70s, nor a dude who wears Armani suits to tennis practice b.
So here you go. Top 10 dudes I wouldn’t want to exchange hands with.
Jerry Sloan - Look at him. He looks like a hard-nosed district attorney. His rep of being an NBA tough guy is legendary, but there’s a great story from Karl Malone on how he killed a large elk with one bullet saving his life a while ago. One bullet.
Paul Silas - Anytime Charles Oakley listens to you, its a good sign you have respect for being a tough guy. Enter Paul Silas, a player who was notorious for clotheslining and tackling cats in the open court in the 60s. During segregation. Tyrus gonn learn today!!
Rick Mahorn - the only player Charles Barkley is on record of saying he wouldn’t mess with, Mahorn is a tough mofo. But dawg, when he performed a Psycho Crusher on Leslie clear across the court a few years ago? Funniest shit ever
John Chaney- The only coach that is on record of saying he will kill Coach Cal and wants to punch his f*cking kids in the mouth. Yup. That’s John for you. And remember how he left Temple? Playing against St. Joe, Chaney vowed to “send in the goons”. Yup. Toughest 80 year old Kappa EVER.
Dick Bavetta - hasn’t missed refing a game since 1975, when he joined the NBA. He’s on this list by default.
Kermit Washington - the only man who nearly killed a man. On the court. He actually has a pretty tragic story following the “punch”. Good read
Pat Riley - The slick hair. The stoic look. The 6 hour a day practices person. Drafted by the Cowboys even though he didn’t play football. Pat Riley just has that mob boss look.
Charles Oakley - The man who mentored Ron Artest. Michael Jordan’s best friend. One of my favorite Oakley stories is when he went to a Hawks home game, and an assistant coach owed him 2000 dollars. He met him in the tunnel, the man gave him 2500 dollars, and Oakley STILL slapped him. DURING A GAME.
Jerry Stackhouse- He’s only 40, but nobody wants it with Stack. NOBODY. Google Kirk Synder Jerry Stackhouse. Funniest fight story EVER.
Gregg Popovich - He speaks fluent Russian. Former CIA agent. And Steven Jackson is one of his all-time favorite players to coach. Yeah. Mess with Pop if you want to.
Old man strength is undefeated.
Who did I miss?
Lee
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Worst Black History Month…..EVER
Carter G. Woodson, then an active proponent of history, proposed at his fraternity’s conclave in Nashville in 1920 of Negro Acheivement Week, documenting the accomplishments of Negros before his time and afterwards. What started off as a weekly recognition blossomed into an entire month of raised awareness of black contributions in the U.S.
Since then, blacks have made great strides and contributions to society in the arts, sciences, entertainment, and health fields. Hell, we have a black (and white) U.S. President. It is safe to say that 2011 was the zenith of all black history months.
Because this month SUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKS
I took the liberty of somewhat documenting newsworthy events this month that has either set black culture back years, or at least provided a noteworthy distraction from what’s really important: Rihanna’s thighs.
Welp
Gander below of what has happened this month
- Don Cornelius, long time host of Soul Train and a man who used his platform to give many artists a platform to share their gifts, commits suicide. This happened on the first day of the month, a week after Etta James passed. RIP to the both of them.
- On Feb 2nd, At New Birth Church in Atlanta, GA, A jewish prophet
- anoints an alleged pedophile and sexual abuser Bishop Eddie Long as a Kang using New Testament doctrine to justify it. Yup, that happened.
- On Feb 3rd, Joe Budden decided to tweet that he found out via his mother than Eddie Murphy passed away. He dropped an ill “No Church In The Wild” freestyle a week later…..yup, he’s figured it out.
- On Feb 11th, We truly lost an angel in Whitney Houston. Personal life aside, there isn’t a single vocalist who can match Whitney’s skill, range, and ability. Also, Rihanna is being considered to play her in a biopic. I am not making this up.
- Jaheim’s suit.…………dawg, just look at this man. How are you dressed up like Yu-Go_Oh and show up to a funeral? Nigga looks like a crime boss from Streets Of Rage 3.
- We got a chance to bear witness to one of the worst Slam Dunk Contests of all time. ALL OF TIME. The Slam Dunk Contest is hit or miss as is, but when the winner of the contest averages 1 pt and 5 mins per game, it speaks volumes to how lackluster of an event this contest has become.
- And don’t get me started on Lebron in the last 30 seconds of the All-Star game. This All-Star weekend was lukewarm at its best
- Also, Shaq on TNT is horrendous. Its like watching Gabby Sibide run on a treadmill. Just dreadful
- Lin-sanity.
- Well, he isn’t black. So why is Linsanity on the list? Aside from its obvious puns at his heritage, media as a whole wasn’t prepared to deal with a phenomenon like this. We got Floyd Mayweather saying that black athletes do the same thing he does and they don’t get credit. We also have Ray J playing “One Wish” to Floyd at his house with his eyes closed and shit enjoying it.
- Regardless, Lin-sanity reached a fever pitch this month, and I sense that galvanization is near. Oh, and if you graduate from Harvard, the term “underdog” should never be applied to your life outside the basketball court. (I’m still not sure why he’s on the list)
- Chris Brown. The new appointed “Bad Boy” of R&B even though he wears skinny jeans. Bleh. Anyhow, I find his “comeback” back to the top of the music world disturbing. We can forgive and move on from what he did in the past, but when he won his Grammy for that debauchery of an album (his mixtapes are way better), he expressed gratitude. A day later went to twitter to say “Winning a Grammy is the ultimate FUCK OFF!!” He’s officially the hardest person in the world to root for.
- Rihanna - the world’s finest attention whore since Kim Kardashian. But I’ll leave that here for you to senselessly debate….
- Nicki Minaj’s performance was just…………it was like watching a trainwreck, except the train was crashing into innocent puppies and dolphins. It was like watching Keri Hilson attempt a Whitney Houston song.
- wait, that actually happened
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCxM8qgzmHI
- Heh (I just reported that video as inappropriate)
- And finally this video from the campus of BYU.
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGeMy-6hnr0
- Where a white guy dresses in blackface and asks random students basic facts about black history month. He was trying to call attention to the ignorance, but I think he did far more than that.
This black history month was full of shenanigans, tomfoolery, and debauchery abroad. But what did we learn this month? What can we take away from February 2012 to pass on to the next generation?
Too Short, give us your perspective on what we should do next ===> http://madamenoire.com/136469/too-short-gives-disgusting-fatherly-advice-about-girls-to-middle-school-boys/
WORST BLACK HISTORY MONTH EVER.
Here’s to a better March.
Bye
Lee
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Happy Valentine Day Jasmine Sullivan
Happy Valentines Day!! You look less scorned that last year. But never mind that.
For real tho. Happy Valentines Day. Let’s take on this joyous occasion by celebrating the positive music you’ve created for loving couples.
Like that “Bust Your Wind……” never mind. Hussy, if you touch my car, I’m putting an entire pack of chewed Bubble gum in your hair.
What about that “10 seconds” joint? Wait, never mind.
“U Get On My Nerves?” Meh. “Leavin?” well, um….nah
“Don’t Make Me Wait?”, good grief. You are harder to please than the GOP.
What about “Lions and Tigers and Bears?” wait, you’re scared of loving me? You need anger management or a Wesley Pipes session to appreciate a man.
Ah, here we go. “Need You Bad”….this is a great and uplifting type of song….well, after listening to the lyrics……..this is a bit stalkerish.
Ah here we go!!! “Redemption”. FINALLY. Wait, you talk about being abused, killing someone, and taking someone’s husband over crack?
*shakes head*
You know what the worst thing about your music? Your voice is so soulful and sultry. Its made of Polyneisan sauce from Chick-Fil-A.
You are in the Will.I.Aint category of musical artists. You use your powers for evil. You are like Jean Grae in X-Men 3 when she starts destroying the world until Wolverine slays her.
Call me Logan then bissh.
I really want to help you tho. What is wrong with you Jasmine? How are you 22 and already scorned for life? You were born in 1987. You grew up in the golden Nickoledoen era. Where did it go wrong?
You complain that you are going in circles. Circles. But if you put the baseball bat down, and listen to your man for once, you would get it through your 10 size New Era fitted head that your path to loneliness is an imminent one.
I shouldn’t be writing this. I know of all people, you can’t counteract logic with emotion. Your music is so heartbreaking and scorned, its like that oncoming train-wreck from Pelham 123 or whatever the fuck that movie is.
You have maybe 2 songs in your entire discography that celebrate love and happiness. Out of 20 songs. Jasmine, that’s 10% rate. Unacceptable. Do better hussy.
Jasmine, I really want you to enjoy this day. Though it may be manufactured to a degree, you need a day to just sit back, relax, and rediscover what it feels like to be loved.
Bottom line, I’m sick of the whole bitter angry woman narrative. And your album is a gateway to that archetype. Make some positive emotional music.
At the end of the day, you can either be right, or happy.
Choose wisely
Bitter ass hussy
Out
Lee
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Nerd Ferg In The Buildin': "Bitch, Where's My Sandwich: The Album" Tracklisting
- This Is NOT A Mixtape! (Prod. by Lee Treble)
- WARNING: Don’t Sign Me (Prod. by Rusty Redenbacher)
- We Coulda Had It All (Prod. by Nerd Ferguson & Lee Treble) Listen Here
- Day In The Life (Prod. by Jordan)
- This Goes Out (Prod. by Blue Jones)
- Lesbi-Honest (Prod. by Pat…
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VOTE HERE FOR THE #ICS SHENANIGAN OF THE YEAR!!!
Vote for shenanigan of the year here!!! Follow the link
http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/Poll/Embed/WEB22E9ULDYGFS#.TvqtyRLsKiE.twitter
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Happy Birthday Meg!!!
Dear Keri Hilson
Happy 29th Birthday Meg. You sure do look healthy today!!!
What are your plans today? How do you plan to celebrate?
Maybe you will take a gander at your endless grammy nominations for your album No Boys Allowed for this year.
Wait……you didn’t get nominated for one……my bad
Well, there’s always getting a pedicure and fixing your feet………..never mind. Its your birthday. This should be a joyous occasion.
I mean, look at you. You’re a tall pretty woman with an average voic……….wait, so is Rihanna. And Rihanna makes better songs than you, but bump that. You sung “One Night Stand” with blonde Chris Brown. Way to tell girls “No Boys Allowed” but turn around and do “One Night Stand”
Girl, bump Rihanna. You have over a million followers on twitter. That’s the size of Dallas…wait, you’re not verified……..well, this is awkward…..
Ok, let’s keep it about the songwriting. You actually co-wrote “Crazy In Love” with 6 other people for that one pregnant chick who’s magazine cover you wouldn’t hold. I mean, if it wasn’t for your contribution, Jay-Z wife wouldn’t be as nearly as big as she is, right?
The nerve of Matthew Knowles’s daughter NOT to feature you on the “Diva” remix. Girl, you are a diva. THE NERVE OF EEYONCB!!!!!!! YOU MADE EEYONCB!!!!!!!!!
You won an BET Award for “Best New Artist” yo. You are a SUPERSTAR. They love you in France……wait, you got attacked on stage………..damn. Um….
I mean, look at your platinum records……wait, you don’t have any? Oh…well, how about gold records? Wait……you had to re-release it in order to get a gold certification? Well, it still counts.
You should thank your mother for real tho. She seems like the type of mother you see at 4 year old beauty pagents. You know, when the daughter is butt ugly, and the mother is living her dreams thru her child. So she forces the child to go to every competition hoping to win.
That was you right? Didn’t you get booed at The Apollo when you was 12 years old? Wait, this is your birthday, let’s keep this positive.
You have accomplished a lot in your 29 years. Little girls look up to their daddies and say “Keri told me no boys allowed, address me as the celebrity that I am”. Your album is a gateway to loneliness. That’s a gift not even a mother can give her child Meg. Congratulations.
But on the real, my gift to you Meg is that I will no longer slander you and be your number #1 hater. I have better things to do with my time. So unless you do something so outrageous, I will ignore you. Its for the best, trust me.
Have fun still talking about “No Boys Allowed” even though you are 29 years of age you immature ostrich looking hussy.
Happy Birthday Meg
